People pleasing is the act of prioritizing the desires and needs of others over one’s own needs, often to the point of neglecting or denying one’s own needs and wants. It involves an excessive focus on gaining approval and avoiding disapproval from others, often at the expense of one’s own emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
People pleasers may constantly seek validation and praise from others, and often have a difficult time setting boundaries or saying no to requests or demands from others. They may also struggle with making decisions that may disappoint or upset others, even if it means sacrificing their own interests and happiness.
While it’s important to be considerate and empathetic towards others, people pleasing can be harmful if it leads to self-neglect, stress, and resentment. It’s important for individuals to prioritize their own needs and establish healthy boundaries in their relationships.
Here are five signs of people pleasing:
- Difficulty saying no: People pleasers often have a hard time saying no to others, even when it’s not in their best interest. They may feel guilty or anxious about disappointing or upsetting others, so they end up agreeing to requests or demands that they don’t really want to do.
- Constant need for approval: People pleasers may seek validation and approval from others in order to feel good about themselves. They may go out of their way to do things for others or avoid expressing their own opinions or needs in order to gain acceptance and praise from others.
- Lack of boundaries: People pleasers may struggle with setting healthy boundaries in their relationships. They may allow others to take advantage of them or disrespect their time, space, or feelings because they don’t want to rock the boat or upset anyone.
- Difficulty expressing emotions: People pleasers may suppress their own emotions or needs in order to avoid conflict or disapproval from others. They may struggle with expressing their true feelings or opinions, and may downplay their own accomplishments or strengths.
- Neglecting self-care: People pleasers may prioritize the needs of others over their own well-being. They may neglect self-care activities like exercise, rest, and relaxation, and may feel guilty or selfish when they do take time for themselves. This can lead to burnout, stress, and resentment over time.
Here are ten ways to limit people pleasing:
- Identify your needs and values: Take time to reflect on your own needs and values. Knowing what’s important to you can help you set boundaries and make decisions that align with your own goals and desires.
- Practice saying no: Saying no can be challenging for people pleasers, but it’s an important skill to learn. Practice saying no to small requests or favors, and build up to more difficult situations.
- Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with others, such as when and how you’re available to help, and what types of requests you’re willing to fulfill.
- Practice self-care: Make time for self-care activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as exercise, reading, or spending time in nature.
- Challenge your thoughts: People pleasers may have negative thoughts or beliefs about themselves, such as “I’m not good enough,” or “I have to please everyone.” Challenge these thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with more positive and empowering beliefs.
- Practice assertiveness: Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs and desires in a clear and respectful way. Practice being assertive in everyday situations, such as expressing your opinion or asking for what you need.
- Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your people-pleasing tendencies. They can offer insight, encouragement, and strategies for change.
- Learn to tolerate discomfort: People pleasing often stems from a fear of conflict or rejection. Practice tolerating discomfort and learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings, rather than avoiding them or giving in to others to avoid conflict.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind and compassionate to yourself, especially when you make mistakes or fall back into people-pleasing behaviors. Remember that change takes time and effort, and that you’re doing the best you can.
- Celebrate your successes: Celebrate each step you take towards limiting people pleasing, no matter how small. Acknowledge your progress and give yourself credit for your efforts.